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Wednesday, 07 January 2009

New Years, New Hopes

Wow. It's been kinda next to ages since I wrote an entry last. That's not to say I don't have a life. Probably saying more to the opposite. I've been traveling the entire Eastern seaboard this Christmas break. Started in Ohio with all of the family minus my cousin and his wife, then moved down to Orlando for a week over New Years (and what a joyous time that was!), then dragged my retched body six hours north to South Carolina to spend time with my mother-dearest and step-dad. And here I sit, looking over all the wonderful memories gone by, but looking forward to, oh, the many more that shall be coming in this brilliantly shining 2009.
God has been so amazing. 2008 brought about a sense of peace and trust in Christ that I've never seen before, and now I'm only excited to live out that trust throughout 2009 and make it an even better journey by my Creator's side. I've finally found someone I truly believe I could be a stronger weapon for Christ with, that as one, we will stand firm in the Word and surrender to Him always. I can see my mom getting stronger everyday in her love for Jesus, learning to see herself as He does, eternally loved and blessed. I see families healing and dreams coming true, and I couldn't possibly ask for more, though Christ keeps heaping more joy upon me.
Let this be my prayer: That I will decrease, that You will increase, and all will see Your power through me.

Sunday, 17 August 2008

Misplaced Obsession

What the heck is wrong with me?!
So my boyfriend, my boo, my other half that I constantly brag about to my mother and tell myself just might possibly be "the one" writes blogs just like this at LiveJournal. Tonight, just to blow off some extra energy before I lay myself down to sleep, I decided to read through some of his old entries from the past couple years. Mostly filled with great vocabulary words and the really deep, insightful thoughts I've come to adore, I was intrigued to get a glimpse into his life that I can't see otherwise.
Then came the bombs, those great big words that jump right off the blinding computer screen and splatter all over my sugar-coated heart, deteriorating the obsession I'd slathered all over it. "I'm in 'love'." "I'm in a relationship..." Sounds awesome! Except when I read on, I found the girl he was describing doesn't fit me. Another lover. Another devotion. Another woman.
It hurts. I'm tempted to call the whole thing off, flop myself down on my bed and bawl my eyes out. I'm angry that I'm not the only girl he's ever been attracted to, somehow angry at God for not blinding him until I appeared. But then God lovingly grabs my heart and reminds me of these things:
1. My Hypocrisy - Gosh, if he looked through my Xanga entries, I'd be embarrassed. How much of my past has been dictated by the guys I've liked or dated or crushed on? It's ridiculous. And I'm expecting him to have never done the same? Pish-posh. This is definitely one area in which I'm asking God for a little soul-revamping.
2. My Timing - Uh, they're over. Present tense? Me. The issue? Trust. Yeah... I'm learning to believe him when he says he loves me. That means me. Not Johanna or Sarah or Myra or... Heck, I should be thanking them for being a part of God's work in shaping his heart up until now, that heart that I so adore.
3. My Misplaced Obsession - God: "When will you learn, my child, how much I obsess over you and crave your obsession over Me, too." Me: "Maybe when I'm married and I get everything I want! If everything passes my inspection, maybe I'll decide You're worthy of my time." God: *shakes his head in exasperation and cries* ...
Me: *finally starts to get it*
[See... Xanga entries really are therapeutic.]
[[If you have any wisdom on this topic, please share. That's why I write. Along with praying for personal revelation as I type, of course.]]

Sunday, 27 July 2008

Biblical Notes on Marriage
I promised her this entry, so this is it. You may be able to find the original sermon soon as a podcast at citychurchorlando.org. It's not up yet, but it should be.
Marriage Roles in the Kingdom of God
CityChurch of Orlando
July 20th, 2008

Texts:
Colossians 3:17-19
Ephesians 5:22-33
What is the relevance?
This teaching is focused on a relationship between husbands and wives, not between men and women. This leaves no room for hasty feminist outcries or sexist remarks. It is simply a look into the call God puts on those who choose to come together in the bonds of marriage for the glory of Christ's name.
Note- Paul is being extremely subversive in writing about women in the first place. Some would be tempted to say Paul's writing about submission is sexist, but this is not so. Throughout the Bible and here as well, women and men are equal in dignity. However, God calls us to something bigger than this discussion of power within the parameters of marriage.
Note- perhaps the hardest things to accomplish in conforming to the Bible are those things that we actually understand fully. It's easy to say, "I do not understand this, so until God reveals the meaning, I will continue to ask for it." But when Christ shows us something as plain as these passages, it is difficult to hear the clear call and follow the path we are not used to living in our fallen state, to take the path we would rather not take until we realize it's the only path to righteousness.

What does it say?
When I choose to marry, I fully choose to die to self and be completely given to my husband, which may mean giving up my "rights" for the strengthening of the partnership, essentially illustrating the submission of the Church to Christ. In marriage, a husband also chooses to make certain his wife's needs are met before his own, laying down his "rights" for the strengthening of the partnership, essentially illustrating the sacrifice Christ gave for the Church.
Submission as a wife includes being a receiver of all your husband is called to do and encouraging him in love to do that which Christ has required of him.
Four principles to becoming a Godly husband:
    1. Pursue her beauty - get in the habit of reminding her how beautiful she is to you and show her how God sees her. She needs to know she is treasured for both her inner and outer beauty.
    2. Wash her in the Word - be the first to initiate solid time in the Word, growing together in the Scriptures daily.
    3. Cherish and nourish her - make her the treasure in your life and nourish her both simply (physically) and complexly (spiritually)
    4. Leave and cleave - make her the first priority. If there is conflict and your wife is one choice, always choose her.

What does it not say?
Husbands must not demand submission.
A wife's submission and a husband's leadership is not a choice, it is a command. We are called to follow these demands at all times, in all circumstances.
This passage does not leave us room to, as wives, respect only if he is respectable or, as husbands, love only when she is lovely.
What does this look like in the end?
The Trinity is our guide. God Himself is a communal being, three beings working in complete harmony at all times.
Submission means that the husband ends up with tie-breaking power. However, this "power" is not to be lorded over the woman, but choices are to be made with her best interest in mind.
No marriage can be purely egalitarian. This is why someone must be given the decisive power.
If a husband truly loves his wife, she will in time become lovely. If a wife continually respects her husband in all circumstances, he will become respectable. Remember that as fallen human creatures, if we are not receiving what we need from within the marriage, we will be tempted to look elsewhere for that fulfillment. Be the best mate you can be, and in time, the other will come around.
What is the purpose of marriage?
Marriage is holy and pleasing in God's sight when you find that you are a better team for the purpose of Christ's fame together than separate. The marriage bonds should never be accepted out of cultural concern or a feeling of obligation. If you find that Christ shines brighter through you as a pair than as individuals, you'll know the time has come.

Thursday, 10 July 2008

Struggles

It's funny how sometimes the thing that brings you to life shines a beacon on the past, opening your eyes to your most dead and decaying inner core.

Seeing Indy's passion for Christ makes me realize I'm a lot of talk. At the same time, I'm a lot of action, too. But sometimes, just those two aren't enough.

There are many times I do something "good" because I feel like it will make me a better person, others will look up to me, I'll be the hero and so on. But I'm learning it's not just about the "what are you doing?" but about the "why are you doing...?"

A friend of mine is really hurting right now, and mostly because of something I've done. I, in turn, hurt myself by telling myself I've really screwed this up. I feel like I need to fix it all, fly in and save the day.

"But you have to remember: you're not his Savior" whispers a Voice of Wisdom.

"Dammit, why not?!" my stubborn, twisted and vile soul shouts. "I wanna turn this around myself so I can feel I've accomplished something good!"

But God continues to quietly remind me that He is God and I am not.

Thank goodness for that!
RE: Learning Contentment in the Waiting Room

I kick myself for not writing here more often. I love reading over what's happened in my life and realizing just how Perfect God is in His timing.
The waiting room I find myself in now is one I could have never seen coming. I feel like it's not even a waiting room anymore. It's not just filled with boring magazines and a tv, but something so much greater, I couldn't ask for more.
About two and a half weeks ago, I met a man I had no inkling of foresight would become such a major player in the musical that is My Life.
His name is NoahDavid Safford Lein, a 24-year-old English teacher from Elk Rapids, MI, and an amazing child of God.
After a few days of the normal break-room chats and a shift together at Pram, we found ourselves casually strolling from Africa to the parking lot.
"So... Grace College and Seminary? Are you a Christian by chance?"
"Yes, I most definitely am." ..."Are you?"
"I am."
*Sigh* "That's good."
It's funny how just that small claim can make you feel all sorts of things in one small moment. I was so grateful that God had finally revealed another Christian to me as my heart had been aching to find a brother or sister. I felt gratitude, excitement, encouragement. And only God knew that all of these emotions would burst all over me in a few weeks.
"Are you going to the Safaris party tonight? Would you want to go with me?" he implored.
"Um... sure!" I stammered.
And the rest is history.
And the future is uncertain.
But from where I stand, it's an exciting orb of God's greatness being played out in the lives of two of His children.
I can't wait to see where He leads.
I hope you'll stay tuned.
It'll be worth it.
Promise.